"So they made us hate ourselves and love their wealth"
So when I look at my posts about liking a fancy guy and wanting a 600K house I don't really recognize myself. But I don't blame myself, and it's not totally about status. It's also about just liking things that are nice. I mean nice shit has some actual value, right?
Monday, March 11, 2013
Heartbreak from E
Dear E,
It seems that I should be used to this by now. I have been in love many times. I have gotten hurt many times, often over and over again by the same person. Sometimes it takes a while to learn.
You are a nice person, and your manners and good habits are extremely impressive. I want manners and habits like yours. You are nice looking and confident, but still very human. You are fancy. You are the richest , fanciest man I have ever dated; and this made me realize something that I did not know before. I want to be rich and fancy. I thought that I wanted money for other reasons, so that I could support my art, but now I found another reason. I guess this helps me solidify my desire for a 600K house.
Although wanting can cause suffering, I don't think that it does in this case. It gives me a guide to follow. It is perhaps a lonely road, but a starving artist was also a lonely road. I live in the extremes and I can't really help it. I can try to nurture "well-roundedness", and maybe that is a worthy goal. But cultivating a rich social life is a lot of work for me. It does not come easily. And although I value a rich social life, I'm not sure the sacrifices are worth it.
Those are just some ideas to think about for myself....
It seems that I should be used to this by now. I have been in love many times. I have gotten hurt many times, often over and over again by the same person. Sometimes it takes a while to learn.
You are a nice person, and your manners and good habits are extremely impressive. I want manners and habits like yours. You are nice looking and confident, but still very human. You are fancy. You are the richest , fanciest man I have ever dated; and this made me realize something that I did not know before. I want to be rich and fancy. I thought that I wanted money for other reasons, so that I could support my art, but now I found another reason. I guess this helps me solidify my desire for a 600K house.
Although wanting can cause suffering, I don't think that it does in this case. It gives me a guide to follow. It is perhaps a lonely road, but a starving artist was also a lonely road. I live in the extremes and I can't really help it. I can try to nurture "well-roundedness", and maybe that is a worthy goal. But cultivating a rich social life is a lot of work for me. It does not come easily. And although I value a rich social life, I'm not sure the sacrifices are worth it.
Those are just some ideas to think about for myself....
Will Power
I think I would be much happier if I had better or more will power. I think this is something to focus on this week.
Depression isn't the end of the world
I've read that you can do so much when you're depressed. And that's true. Sometimes I freak out that since I'm depressed - I am doomed. And that is not true. At all.
I have suffered from a bit of depression and I still was able to accomplish so much in terms of living in different cities, getting a lot accomplished with school, dating great guys, and having a great, high paying career. It's true that I can't afford a 600K house in seattle (yet), but I don't know anyone my age who can and it is not an impossible goal for me.
Clearly, I don't feel well because of my Spring time allergies, and not feeling well (and fatigue from asthma) is adding to my down mood and lack of will power.
The good thing about depression is that it lets you focus on what is important. Which is and always is - living well day to day while building a foundation to support the rest of my life.
I have suffered from a bit of depression and I still was able to accomplish so much in terms of living in different cities, getting a lot accomplished with school, dating great guys, and having a great, high paying career. It's true that I can't afford a 600K house in seattle (yet), but I don't know anyone my age who can and it is not an impossible goal for me.
Clearly, I don't feel well because of my Spring time allergies, and not feeling well (and fatigue from asthma) is adding to my down mood and lack of will power.
The good thing about depression is that it lets you focus on what is important. Which is and always is - living well day to day while building a foundation to support the rest of my life.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
I am so sad.
I mean. I've been sadder. My mood is a little low and I'm hungry, but I will be okay. This whole not eating when I'm depressed thing is the pits, but I really don't want to make myself eat right now. I will feel better tomorrow. I'm REALLY happy about my job. I just feel like I'm really GOOD at it. Maybe I will stay here forever. Idk. I feel okay that I'll never make as much as d. Money can be a way to keep score, but it doesn't have to be. Plus d is gone.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Is boredom necessary
I used to think that in order for me to make myself do tasks that I didn't want to do I had to let myself become so bored that those tasks would be the lesser evil. Not sure if this is a mistake....
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